I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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