I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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