Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
