It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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