I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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