guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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