In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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