M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
