Where did you get a picture of my penis
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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