Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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