So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
