I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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