I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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