Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
third nipple confirmed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
