i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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