The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
