Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Randomize
