i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
