Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
