I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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