The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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