so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
