is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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