Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
