You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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