I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
