worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
