I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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