i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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