Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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