I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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