I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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