Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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