Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
