it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
