i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
