somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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