Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
