could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
