Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
