i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
