my shit smells like andre
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
