Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
