I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
