I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Drake has all the answers
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
