yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i already hear my dad disowning me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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