u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
