Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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