My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
