I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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