I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
