We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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