Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
