new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
