Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
