You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
