He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
