Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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