Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
